CONSUMED BY PASSION

The Goddess, yearning for the vision of her beloved for ten thousand years, saw him seated in meditation under a tree. At the moment he opened his eyes to the world, she became shy and turned away. Unable to resist, she stole a glance just as he turned to look at her. A moment of eternity. An eternity of desire filled the created universe. From her glance, stolen in shyness and tender love, Manmatha, the god of desire and passion, was born. His weapon was the sugar cane bow and sweet intoxicating flower arrows that would strike every soul in its deepest core. And while Shiva and Parvathi were engaged in their cosmic dance, Manmatha would roam free, to rule the world – with passion!!!

1.
Ananta navaratna vilasat kataka kinkinni
Jhalam jhala jhalam jhala ravam…. (quote from Patanjali stotram)

Like the pious and devoted Patanjali, I closed my eyes, put my palms together in prayer, spoke to no one, thought only of you, my Lord. Thinking and dreaming of you, I closed my eyes to the world, hoping to see you…

After what seemed to be an eternity of darkness and despair… I awoke to the glorious vision of your dance, O Lord Nataraja, Lord of the Dance… and drinking from the amritam of your vision… I was consumed with tears flowing, heart breaking and mind blinding joy… and then, and then, the vision of you, seared in my mind, caught in my heart, became the fount of my tears – for now it is only a memory, a flash of brilliant light in the darkness of my soul – and I awoke in sadness, consumed with passion, longing once again for you…

Now, in sadness and in joy, but consumed with passion, I remember how you danced to the praises of Patanjali. I sing now the song he sang, and I dance now the dance you danced – remembering, hoping, wishing, longing… praying…

2.
Can this body wait through eternity! No, but this soul can. Having seen you once, and knowing you are my only one – I come in another birth, in another form – in pursuit of you, you in another form. O Krishna, have I not revealed to you the truth of my soul? I have prepared myself lovingly for your coming and waited through the night.

Closing my eyes in fatigue for just a moment, I suddenly awake to birds singing their morning song! O another dark night has passed with my heart longing for you… why do you not come, O Krishna? Give me one good reason – were you playing your flute and forgot all about me?

Draupadi, honoured princess of the Pandavas, raised her hands to you, and you saved her. Won’t you, just once, show me that you love me, too? Have I not revealed the truth of my soul? I am waiting, waiting in longing, must you delay? Are you some place else, Krishna, my love, playing your sweet flute for someone else? Tell me please, when and what time you will come… I will wait… don’t forget me!

I know, all the gopis who have been dancing with you, told me how you danced on the serpent Kaliya’s head, how you killed Kamsa, and how you lifted Govardhana hill with your little finger. Did your fatigue make you forget me?

I know… you sang your song divine, your glory shining forth from the highest peak, and all the gopis love you. I know, I will wait… but don’t delay, come and make me yours.

I don’t understand this indifferent silence. Give me a reason why you leave me thus. I have sung a thousand songs in praise of you… will you not show me your compassion, and come to me? Come to this one suffering and pining for you day and night. O Lord asleep on the endless serpent on the ocean of eternity, I have come to you in love, pleading at your lotus feet…

3.
Like the surging waves of the ocean, my heart heaves in hope, and breaks into the froth and foam of desire when I hear the song of your flute, O enchanting flute player. I stand motionless, like a statue, not knowing where time went.

It is night but the clear moon burns me like the sun, and my eyes strain in the direction of your flute song floating on the breeze, O enchanting one. My eyes blur, and something is happening inside me.

My heart is tender and open, fill it with your love. Make me happy. Both of us alone in the forest, come embrace me. Fill me, fill my spirit and my heart with love and joy.

The sea and her waves are inseparable. The sun and his rays are inseparable. You and me… are inseparable! But I am crying out loud for you, heartbroken, while you make merry with others. Is this right? Is this your way? I suffer when I hear your enchanting flute song…

4.
I am lost, my friend, lost in love with the dark-hued Lord Krisha. They talk about my lovelorn looks, do I care? I am in love, my lord is Krishna. He holds the universe in his little mud-filled mouth, he hoists the Govardhana hill on his little finger, and he saves desperate Draupadi from dishonour. O totally in love, I have surrendered to my Kannan, my Lord Krishna, supreme ruler of my body and soul.

5.
I close my eyes, and in my mind, I see my love. The one my soul has yearned for through eternity. Like a brilliant flash of light and joy, I have seen him before. Filled my heart, my mind, and my soul with sweet, sweet joy – I have tasted his love before. I remember. I close my eyes, and in my mind, I see my love… and me, another moment in eternity, dancing our dance of love forever more. I close my eyes, and I see him as I did before…

[written for Shangita Namasivayam 2006]